Regaining my Womanhood

What a interesting year. I started the year off in a dark place. Not sure if I wanted to be married and if it was going to even make it through the year. Hubby and I talked and promises were made and broken. Yet I am still here. I have learned that no matter how much a person talks, their words are not worth anything because there was no action to follow through. So having said that, I will stay married for love and children. It is not up to my husband to make me happy. That comes from within. *Kanye Shrugs and walk away* The second thing I have learned about this year is that I am one AMAZING woman. Truly. How the hell I go to work come home take care of every one's needs and make it through the day with out anyone saying thank you is mind boggling. No one says thanks for making dinner, thanks for giving me a bath, combing my hair, doing the laundry or holding me when you are bone tired. But it is my power of being a woman that amazes me. I am a mom, wife and nurture...

I am reflecting on my life and journey at the moment. I have not blogged in some time and it was due to the reflection that I discovered. I know who I am and have started to embrace her more. I am a WIFE as well as a MOM. But more importantly I am a Woman. I will always have my woman hood. Hell I dare you at trying to take it away. LMMFBO.=) I was lost many moons ago. I was in a darker place and didn't believe that my marriage would survive this fall. Yet I was mistaken and have over come the obstacles that was in front of me. I wish I could do more for myself but that is the nature of the beast. I appreciate all that read this. Your spirit is truly felt. I still strive to have some sense of normalcy like a single lady would but until that happens, or better yet, IF. I will just take it one day at a time.

Today I posted on my facebook page the following quote.. husband & wife get in an argument. Wife runs to the marriage license and stares at it. Husband asks, What are you looking for. Wife says, The expiration date! I thought that was funny. But it alarmed some of my friends. One even sent me a special message letting me know that she was here for me. I was alarmed then laughed my ass off. Hubby asked what's so funny. I just looked at him and said nothing. See, my married friends got it but my single friends did not. There are times that you simply just want out. He (my hubby) promised me so much and when he doesn't follow throw it makes me upset. Makes me very upset. He says things in a manner that could be seen innocently but I know he is being serious. I am sure that there are things that I do that he would want out however I never make promises that I just can't keep. I don't have a license with an expiration date (LMAO) because you are married for t...

I give you this day to guide me through. Because you know that I am trying my best but having a really hard time regaining my woman hood. But that is okay. Before the week is up I will have a pedi and attempt to get my hair done again. But as for today not being so good. I give it to you so that I don't snap . Thank for reading. Huggies

A lot of stuff has happened since my last post. I have got a job and It has come to my attention the importance of me having a job. I finally feel like a valuable person to the family. It is one thing being a wife and mother. It is another when you are seen as a contributing partner to the relationship. Now let me explain because I understand that a lot of women are contributing members in their family without an outside job. I spent over 10 years to get my Masters. I did not spend that amount of time to stay home. When I initially stayed home with my daughter it was partially to finish my schooling. When I got pregnant the second time it was a shock to my system. Now I do love and adore my kids. I am learning the importance of having children in a family and their importance to my marriage. But that is not the only me. They are making me a better person but I am still me. I have felt unworthy for quite some time. So me getting a job has some how made me feel better about...

I talk about regaining my woman hood but what does that really mean. I haven't posted in a while as my life has gotten hectic. The reason I decided to call this blog regaining my woman hood is because I feel lost. I became someone's wife and mother in a matter of 18 or so months. I don't feel confident like I did before marriage and children. I have been depressed several times and only seek counseling once. I know that I can't blame anyone for the demise of my woman hood. It seems like I am suppose to be happy with the way my life is but I am not. I have not been happy for a long time. It took me a while to want to write this post. Let alone share it with the world. I LOVE my Children. I tolerate my husband. (SAD RIGHT) But it is the truth. I have not been happy with my marriage since I found out I was pregnant the first time. I have a lot of issues with my husband and it has not gone away in over 2 years. I subject myself to a lot of abuse from him and ...

Today the hubs offered to take me shopping for an upcoming interview. What ever I want I could have gotten to wear for the interview. All I really wanted was a shirt. So we packed the kids up and traveled to the outdoor mall. Once at the store, OMGoodness, reality hit. I suddenly didn't feel as confident within my self. I picked up a very pretty shirt and I just knew that once I had on my slacks and heels I was going to look great. The size I use to be is not the size that I currently am. I have gained 2 extra sizes. I almost cried. So embarrass with my weight gain I was discouraged but didn't want to let the hubs know how I was feeling. He can be a downer sometimes. So I continued to look. I truly looked very hard and Couldn't find anything. So I was ready to leave and found a cowl neck shirt. I thought that with the slacks that would be great but it wasn't. I looked frumpy and hideous. Thank goodness for the staff at the store. They brought over some...

I polished my toes. That may not seem big to some of you but for me right now that is HUGE. Hot Pink. I feel some what confident and happy about my feet. Got to start somewhere right. LOL. I also did my nails. They are neutral but just filing and shaping my hands brought pride to my spirit. These are very small steps but it is going to help me work towards regaining my woman hood.

The past year was amazing and saddening. I gave birth to another little girl she is such the princess. The Diva does so good being around her sister I am amazed. I also graduated with my Masters and I can't believe how much I have grown with my internships. I am a better person for so much that has happened in my life and I love everything that I have right now. I am sadden because 09 started off rough. I made some decisions that affected my relationship with others. I hurt the ones I loved in the process but it has made me appreciative of what the Lord has set for me. I am sorry for any pain and discomfort that may have caused. Lastly I want to wish everyone a beautiful and blessed New Year. Hoping that Oh 10 will be so much better. Ciao.